Literary brilliance

Theresa, a friend of mine who is bravely teaching little kiddlies in Japan, has told me that there are not enough books out for ESOL (English as a Second Language) classes.

And she asked me if I have written any ESOL books.

Well, I must admit I haven’t. I mean, there are only 2000 main words you are supposed to use in those books and a verbose chappy like me would be in real trouble restricting himself to that small a vocabulary!

But, I like a challenge (hey, I’m a friend of yours, for starters), so I decided to try my hand at writing an ESOL book for adult readers.

I think I’ve done a brilliant job. It’s below.

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The Kiwi is a bird.
Do not look in a tree for a Kiwi.
The Kiwi cannot fly.
It would fall out of the tree.

Look on the ground for a Kiwi.
Look at night.
The Kiwi only comes out at night.
But it does not go to parties.
It just jives around on the ground.

It eats grubs. It eats bugs. It goes poos a lot.

People from New Zealand are called Kiwis
New Zealanders cannot fly.
New Zealanders fall out of trees.
New Zealanders can be found on the ground at night.
If they are drunk.
New Zealanders do go to parties.
They go to parties after games of rugby.
Where they try to score..

New Zealanders don’t usually eat grubs.
New Zealanders don’t usually eat bugs.
Unless they are playing rugby.