A Truly Modern Fairy Tales

Do you get lots of emails, of varying degrees of funniness forwarded to you by friends?

I do. Some are quite funny, some not so funny.

Some are just plain out of date.

For example, take the Modern Fairy Tale that’s doing the rounds.

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Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl "Will you marry me?"

The girl said "NO!"

And the girl lived happily ever after and went shopping, dancing, camping, drank martinis, always had a clean house, never had to cook, had sex with whomever she pleased... did whatever the hell she wanted, never argued, didn't get fat, travelled more, had many boyfriends, didn't save money, and
had all the hot water to herself. She went to the theatre, never watched football, never wore fricken lacy lingerie that went up her ass, had high self-esteem, never cried or yelled, felt and looked fabulous in sweat pants, burped, swore, farted all the time.

THE END

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I got it in my email and I decided that it wasn’t modern. If it was really a fairy tale, today it read differently.

It would read:

“Once upon a time a guy asked his boyfriend: "Will you marry me?"

The boyfriend said: "Ooooh you saucy thing, you." Then he gave him the bum's rush.

And the boyfriend lived happily ever after and went shopping, dancing, and did ever so much camping. The boyfriend drank ever so lovely martinis, never had to cook, had sex with whomever he pleased whenever he pleased; did whatever the heck he wanted; never argued but sulked a lot; didn't get fat; travelled lots; had many boyfriends; didn't save money; and had all the hot water to himself, except when he and a boyfriend showered together. He always wore frilly lacy lingerie that went up his ass, had high self-esteem and even higher cocks, he always cried, wore fabulous sweat pants, and felt and looked at anything in trousers, especially if it farted all the time.”

See, the modern versions are always so much better...