Guess what! I have just received a message on NZ Dating from an 18-year-old woman from the West Coast. Of course, if the way she writes is any indication, that's the West Coast of Senegal.
Geez, I'm always getting these messages from young foreign women who are madly in love with me and only want me to send them a few thousand dollars so that they buy a plane ticket to come rushing to me. Maybe I should just charter a plane and bring ‘em all over at once.
But, it’s so sad to think that these women are only after my money, and not my brilliant brain and gorgeous body. ~sigh~
I tell you, what with that and because of problems with my landlord, life has been rather a drag lately.
But the landlord problem got sorted out on Tuesday and yesterday life swung upwards again as I received two letters.
One came from Creative New Zealand.
When a Kiwi author writes books and they go into New Zealand’s public libraries, people read the books without paying for them. Because of this, authors lose out on a cut from what would otherwise have been the sale of their book. So there is a government grant given to authors by Creative New Zealand to make up for that cost. This ensures that authors will allow their books to be bought by libraries.
Up until now, the payment for authors of children's books has been 30% of the adult book rate. Now, according to Creative New Zealand, they are going to stop discriminating and will pay children's authors like me the whole 100%. That means I get a 75% pay rise.
Hey, I like this game!
And, as much as my horoscope failed to mention it, yesterday was a money-making day for me. Because the second letter I received yesterday was from the Bank of New Zealand. The letter said:
"Dear Mr Kirk,
You may be aware from recent publicity that Bank of New Zealand has breached the Fair Trading Act 1986 by not adequately disclosing to customers fees charged when using credit or debit cards for international transactions. We have reached a settlement with the Commerce Commission and as part of that settlement we will compensate all affected current and former customers. This compensation reflects a loss of opportunity to compare our rates with those of other card issuers, choose a card with a lower rate, or choose an alternative payment method.
The settlement with the Commerce Commission stipulates that no matter how small, compensation is to be offered to all affected customers. As you made foreign currency transactions between January 2002 and December 2004 using a Bank of New Zealand card, you will receive payment on 31 October 2006. The payment amount will be a pro-rata portion of the currency conversion fees paid during this period. The amount will also earn interest at a rate of 7% per annum between 31 July 2006 and the date of payment. The compensation, including interest, is detailed below:"
My eyes eagerly scanned down. And there it was!
I was due for a refund of 78 cents!
I tell you, I was in the money yesterday! Now I can put a deposit down on a Wendy house. Well, I could never afford a full sized one.
Hey, you keep smiling. (That way, they know you have teeth.)
--
Allan
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
Sunday, March 11, 2007
Money ... what's that?
Guess what! I have just received a message on NZ Dating from an 18-year-old woman from the West Coast. Of course, if the way she writes is any indication, that's the West Coast of Senegal.
Geez, I'm always getting these messages from young foreign women who are madly in love with me and only want me to send them a few thousand dollars so that they buy a plane ticket to come rushing to me. Maybe I should just charter a plane and bring ‘em all over at once.
But, it’s so sad to think that these women are only after my money, and not my brilliant brain and gorgeous body. ~sigh~
I tell you, what with that and because of problems with my landlord, life has been rather a drag lately.
But the landlord problem got sorted out on Tuesday and yesterday life swung upwards again as I received two letters.
One came from Creative New Zealand.
When a Kiwi author writes books and they go into New Zealand’s public libraries, people read the books without paying for them. Because of this, authors lose out on a cut from what would otherwise have been the sale of their book. So there is a government grant given to authors by Creative New Zealand to make up for that cost. This ensures that authors will allow their books to be bought by libraries.
Up until now, the payment for authors of children's books has been 30% of the adult book rate. Now, according to Creative New Zealand, they are going to stop discriminating and will pay children's authors like me the whole 100%. That means I get a 75% pay rise.
Hey, I like this game!
And, as much as my horoscope failed to mention it, yesterday was a money-making day for me. Because the second letter I received yesterday was from the Bank of New Zealand. The letter said:
"Dear Mr Kirk,
You may be aware from recent publicity that Bank of New Zealand has breached the Fair Trading Act 1986 by not adequately disclosing to customers fees charged when using credit or debit cards for international transactions. We have reached a settlement with the Commerce Commission and as part of that settlement we will compensate all affected current and former customers. This compensation reflects a loss of opportunity to compare our rates with those of other card issuers, choose a card with a lower rate, or choose an alternative payment method.
The settlement with the Commerce Commission stipulates that no matter how small, compensation is to be offered to all affected customers. As you made foreign currency transactions between January 2002 and December 2004 using a Bank of New Zealand card, you will receive payment on 31 October 2006. The payment amount will be a pro-rata portion of the currency conversion fees paid during this period. The amount will also earn interest at a rate of 7% per annum between 31 July 2006 and the date of payment. The compensation, including interest, is detailed below:"
My eyes eagerly scanned down. And there it was!
I was due for a refund of 78 cents!
I tell you, I was in the money yesterday! Now I can put a deposit down on a Wendy house. Well, I could never afford a full sized one.
Hey, you keep smiling. (That way, they know you have teeth.)
Geez, I'm always getting these messages from young foreign women who are madly in love with me and only want me to send them a few thousand dollars so that they buy a plane ticket to come rushing to me. Maybe I should just charter a plane and bring ‘em all over at once.
But, it’s so sad to think that these women are only after my money, and not my brilliant brain and gorgeous body. ~sigh~
I tell you, what with that and because of problems with my landlord, life has been rather a drag lately.
But the landlord problem got sorted out on Tuesday and yesterday life swung upwards again as I received two letters.
One came from Creative New Zealand.
When a Kiwi author writes books and they go into New Zealand’s public libraries, people read the books without paying for them. Because of this, authors lose out on a cut from what would otherwise have been the sale of their book. So there is a government grant given to authors by Creative New Zealand to make up for that cost. This ensures that authors will allow their books to be bought by libraries.
Up until now, the payment for authors of children's books has been 30% of the adult book rate. Now, according to Creative New Zealand, they are going to stop discriminating and will pay children's authors like me the whole 100%. That means I get a 75% pay rise.
Hey, I like this game!
And, as much as my horoscope failed to mention it, yesterday was a money-making day for me. Because the second letter I received yesterday was from the Bank of New Zealand. The letter said:
"Dear Mr Kirk,
You may be aware from recent publicity that Bank of New Zealand has breached the Fair Trading Act 1986 by not adequately disclosing to customers fees charged when using credit or debit cards for international transactions. We have reached a settlement with the Commerce Commission and as part of that settlement we will compensate all affected current and former customers. This compensation reflects a loss of opportunity to compare our rates with those of other card issuers, choose a card with a lower rate, or choose an alternative payment method.
The settlement with the Commerce Commission stipulates that no matter how small, compensation is to be offered to all affected customers. As you made foreign currency transactions between January 2002 and December 2004 using a Bank of New Zealand card, you will receive payment on 31 October 2006. The payment amount will be a pro-rata portion of the currency conversion fees paid during this period. The amount will also earn interest at a rate of 7% per annum between 31 July 2006 and the date of payment. The compensation, including interest, is detailed below:"
My eyes eagerly scanned down. And there it was!
I was due for a refund of 78 cents!
I tell you, I was in the money yesterday! Now I can put a deposit down on a Wendy house. Well, I could never afford a full sized one.
Hey, you keep smiling. (That way, they know you have teeth.)
Thursday, March 08, 2007
A Truly Modern Fairy Tales
Do you get lots of emails, of varying degrees of funniness forwarded to you by friends?
I do. Some are quite funny, some not so funny.
Some are just plain out of date.
For example, take the Modern Fairy Tale that’s doing the rounds.
================
Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl "Will you marry me?"
The girl said "NO!"
And the girl lived happily ever after and went shopping, dancing, camping, drank martinis, always had a clean house, never had to cook, had sex with whomever she pleased... did whatever the hell she wanted, never argued, didn't get fat, travelled more, had many boyfriends, didn't save money, and
had all the hot water to herself. She went to the theatre, never watched football, never wore fricken lacy lingerie that went up her ass, had high self-esteem, never cried or yelled, felt and looked fabulous in sweat pants, burped, swore, farted all the time.
THE END
=============
I got it in my email and I decided that it wasn’t modern. If it was really a fairy tale, today it read differently.
It would read:
“Once upon a time a guy asked his boyfriend: "Will you marry me?"
The boyfriend said: "Ooooh you saucy thing, you." Then he gave him the bum's rush.
And the boyfriend lived happily ever after and went shopping, dancing, and did ever so much camping. The boyfriend drank ever so lovely martinis, never had to cook, had sex with whomever he pleased whenever he pleased; did whatever the heck he wanted; never argued but sulked a lot; didn't get fat; travelled lots; had many boyfriends; didn't save money; and had all the hot water to himself, except when he and a boyfriend showered together. He always wore frilly lacy lingerie that went up his ass, had high self-esteem and even higher cocks, he always cried, wore fabulous sweat pants, and felt and looked at anything in trousers, especially if it farted all the time.”
See, the modern versions are always so much better...
I do. Some are quite funny, some not so funny.
Some are just plain out of date.
For example, take the Modern Fairy Tale that’s doing the rounds.
================
Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl "Will you marry me?"
The girl said "NO!"
And the girl lived happily ever after and went shopping, dancing, camping, drank martinis, always had a clean house, never had to cook, had sex with whomever she pleased... did whatever the hell she wanted, never argued, didn't get fat, travelled more, had many boyfriends, didn't save money, and
had all the hot water to herself. She went to the theatre, never watched football, never wore fricken lacy lingerie that went up her ass, had high self-esteem, never cried or yelled, felt and looked fabulous in sweat pants, burped, swore, farted all the time.
THE END
=============
I got it in my email and I decided that it wasn’t modern. If it was really a fairy tale, today it read differently.
It would read:
“Once upon a time a guy asked his boyfriend: "Will you marry me?"
The boyfriend said: "Ooooh you saucy thing, you." Then he gave him the bum's rush.
And the boyfriend lived happily ever after and went shopping, dancing, and did ever so much camping. The boyfriend drank ever so lovely martinis, never had to cook, had sex with whomever he pleased whenever he pleased; did whatever the heck he wanted; never argued but sulked a lot; didn't get fat; travelled lots; had many boyfriends; didn't save money; and had all the hot water to himself, except when he and a boyfriend showered together. He always wore frilly lacy lingerie that went up his ass, had high self-esteem and even higher cocks, he always cried, wore fabulous sweat pants, and felt and looked at anything in trousers, especially if it farted all the time.”
See, the modern versions are always so much better...
Sunday, March 04, 2007
Moths and manure
Today has been generally unexciting. I have been earnestly trying to sort out and dispose of unwanted magazines today, since I intend to shift to a larger flat in the near future and don't want to have to shift lots of junk.
And I also went and did some grocery shopping. Well, if you call what a bachelor does grocery shopping. It's more just a grab and go. But I was very pleased. On grocery purchases that would normally cost $27, I saved over $11 by buying specials. Ah, it warms the Scottish heritage cockles of my heart, that sort of thing does.
Scrooch, the cat, went out last night and came back about midday. These young males and their all night dalliances!
The other night he was being a pain in the bedroom, skittery and wanting to go out all the time. Since he had just eaten a large moth or two off the front door, I wasn't inclined to put him out. So I turned off the light to go to sleep. Then there was a funny scratching noise and a smell filled the room. I turned on the light and the little beast had done a big runny poo (moth remains included) on my jeans, which were on the floor!
I quickly washed the poo off my jeans and threw Scrooch out!
Today bought some kitty litter. I’m sure he’ll like it more than my jeans. I know it was an urgent call of nature, but it was all his own fault. He would eat all those big juicy moths that were flocking to the light coming through the glass front door.
But, enough from me. I must go and get my dinner. Tonight I will try to avoid burning my tea as I did last night. Interestingly enough, eating burnt crumbed fish has certain similarities to eating burnt toast. I wonder why...
And I also went and did some grocery shopping. Well, if you call what a bachelor does grocery shopping. It's more just a grab and go. But I was very pleased. On grocery purchases that would normally cost $27, I saved over $11 by buying specials. Ah, it warms the Scottish heritage cockles of my heart, that sort of thing does.
Scrooch, the cat, went out last night and came back about midday. These young males and their all night dalliances!
The other night he was being a pain in the bedroom, skittery and wanting to go out all the time. Since he had just eaten a large moth or two off the front door, I wasn't inclined to put him out. So I turned off the light to go to sleep. Then there was a funny scratching noise and a smell filled the room. I turned on the light and the little beast had done a big runny poo (moth remains included) on my jeans, which were on the floor!
I quickly washed the poo off my jeans and threw Scrooch out!
Today bought some kitty litter. I’m sure he’ll like it more than my jeans. I know it was an urgent call of nature, but it was all his own fault. He would eat all those big juicy moths that were flocking to the light coming through the glass front door.
But, enough from me. I must go and get my dinner. Tonight I will try to avoid burning my tea as I did last night. Interestingly enough, eating burnt crumbed fish has certain similarities to eating burnt toast. I wonder why...
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