Have you heard that a pig’s orgasm lasts 30 minutes? If so, you probably now want to come back in your next life as a pig.

But think about the following before you put your order in with the Reincarnator Almighty.

Firstly, pigs have no sweat glands. Yet a pig’s body is made up of one half to two thirds water. So, with no sweat glands, your body is going to retain that water and wobble around like Dolly Parton minus a bra.

Also, pigs live in social groups and are so communal that they even sleep together, huddled in a nest. And they mate up. So it is therefore quite possible that pigs have mothers-in-law. This means when you have that 30 minute orgasm, not only is the rest of society is going to hear it – you kinky pig, you - but your mother-in-law is also going to be listening in!

I don't suppose it's much surprise that pigs spend much of their time foraging and rooting. So would I if my orgasms lasted for 30 minutes.

But there is a definite downside to being a pig as is shown by this story.

A farmer walked into a bar with his pig and ordered a drink. The bartender could not help asking the man why his pig had a peg leg.

"Well, you see," said the farmer, "this is an amazing pig. Why, two years ago, my son was chopping wood in the field when a tree collapsed on him, pinning him to the ground and making breathing difficult. The pig, which was in the area, ran to get assistance and, squealing loudly, led us to my son to rescue him."

"You're right,” said the bartender, “that is an amazing story. But why does your pig have a peg leg?"

“This is no ordinary pig," the farmer continued. "One night while we were sleeping, our barn caught fire and the pig managed to squeeze through a little hole in the wall and circle our house, squealing as loud as it could to wake us up. We were able to save all of the animals."

"Wow! Incredible! But why does the pig have a peg leg?"

"Wait. Once, our home caught on fire. The pig managed to run to the next house over and wake the neighbors, who were able to save us and help put out the fire."

"OK. OK. The pig is amazing. But why the peg leg?" the bartender demanded.

"An amazing pig like this. You can't eat it all at once."


On the other hand that 30 minute orgasm is an attractive thought:

Farmer Brown's pig had gone into season, so he decided to mate her with Farmer Jones's County Fair award-winning hog.

So Farmer Brown called up Farmer Jones to ask if he can bring the pig over to mate.

“Sure,” said Farmer Jones.

So Farmer Brown put his pig in the back of his pick-up and headed off to Farmer Jone’s farm. The pigs were put together and they went at it for ages. Even when they were parted they had the steamy look in their eyes.

Anyway,Farmer Brown dragged the pig out of the pen, put her into the back of his pick-up and headed home.

But as he drove, he got to wondering. "How do I know if she's pregnant?"

So when he got home, he called Farmer Jones to ask him. Farmer Jones, experienced in the ways of pigs, said "That's easy, when you see her tomorrow morning, if she's rollin' in the mud, she's not pregnant, but if she's eatin' sweet grass, she is."

So the next morning, Farmer Brown looked out his window to see his pig rolling in the mud.

"Damn!" said Farmer Brown and called Farmer Jones to ask to do it all again.

That was OK said Farmer Jones so Farmer Brown piled the pig into the back of his pick-up and headed to the other farm.

This time they went at it for nearly and hour, with lots of gruntin' and groanin'. And when they were done and Farmer Brown put her into the back in the pick-up and headed home, she again still had that steamy look in her eyes.

Next morning, Farmer Brown looks out and sees his pig rolling in the mud, again.

"Damn!" So, once again he called Farmer Jones and asked again. Again he put the pig in the back of the pick-up and drove to the other farm. This time the two pigs went at it for over two hours, whoopin' and hollarin', mud flying everywhere.

When they were done, the female pig got put in the back of the pick-up and Farmer Brown drove home.

The next morning, he was very tired, so he asked his wife to see what the pig was doing.

She came back a minute later and Farmer Brown asked, "Well, is she rollin' in the mud, or eating the sweet grass?"

His wife raised her eyebrows and said, "Neither. She’s in the front seat of the pickup and BEEPIN' THE HORN !!!!!!!!