You will be pleased to know that I am now even better looking than I was before. I have new glasses.

Well, not exactly new glasses. I kept the old frame. Well, I may have an old frame but it's perfectly serviceable. It bends in all the right places, and is hard and stiff in all the right places. So why not keep on using it?

So, new lenses later I can actually see better than with the cheapie ones I bought from the Wharehouse a while ago. Isn't technology wonderful?

Now, what else can I get improved? (That is a rhetoric question!)

According to the news today, the Manawatu and Wanganui regions are sinking, according to scientists at the Institute of Geological and Nuclear Sciences.

Of course, it’s all caused by these Massey University lecturers in the Manawatu stamping their feet when something doesn't suit them. Look what they are doing! It’s time someone told them that there is a difference between putting your foot down and stamping. Just as there's a difference between being laid back and being laid. (Just in case you didn't know.)

And I do hope you realise just how good for your health I am.

Researchers have found that a spell of hearty laughter causes the tissue that forms the inner lining of the blood vessels, the endothelium, to dilate, increasing blood flow in the same way as a bout of aerobic exercise.

The finding adds to evidence that a laugh a day may help keep a heart attack away. Michael Miller, of the University of Maryland, who has studied the healing power of laughter for a decade, said: "The old saying that laughter is the best medicine definitely appears to be true when it comes to protecting your heart."

So, if you manage to get at least a small giggle from my missives, I’m doing great things for your heart. Of course, exercise does good things for your heart as well. But I do not, however, expect you to use this as an excuse for running away from me laughing…

I mean there is no excuse for this. I don’t have bad breath and I don’t have body odour. To avoid this, I liberally use deodorant (and it tastes terrible!).

Did you know that deodorant was invented in 1881 by an unidentified man in Philadelphia? He sold it commercially, using the brand name "Mum".

Geez, but is this Freudian. A deodorant called Mum. “All you need is a bit of Mum and it’s no sweat”. I don’t think I’m going there any further…

They invented the roller ball deodorant after getting the idea from a ballpoint pen. Now *that’s* a worry. My ballpoint pens spray ink in splotches everywhere. Is my deodorant doing that? Great big blobs clogging up my underarm hair…? I’m not going there any further, either!

You have to be careful staying smell-free, though. Some deodorants apparently contain aluminium (now *that* is taking the protective shield thing a bit too far) and the accumulative affect of aluminium is thought to cause memory loss and damage to the central nervous system.

Well, I have just been into the bathroom to check my deodorant out but when I got there I couldn’t remember what it was I was looking for and my hand kept shaking too much to read the label anyway.

So there you go. Wherever it was we were going.

Well, I think I’ll pop out and do some shopping. Now, did I apply any deodorant this morning?